OH MY GOD. If I have to split up another screaming match, clean up another piece of poop, get another cup of milk, or fetch another band aid for a wussy boo boo...I am going to snap.
This has been my basic routine every morning this Summer:
Emma comes in at 7 am or 7:15 (if Im lucky) and whispers in my face before my eyes are even open..LOUD, 4 year old whisper, "MOM will you WAKE UP." of course, I submit.
Then, Jaxson starts to scream from his crib because if Emma is awake, he's got to be awake.
I stumble into the kitchen, bleary eyed to fix my coffee. Oh, and I do have a husband, Matt, He is still sleeping.
Emma is following me the entire time and also wants to help me make the coffee. My willingness to allow her, only depends on my patience level, which is usually low. Then it is time to get Jaxson (or Jaxsaroni as my husband and I like to call him, story for another time). He is usually grinning from ear to ear, jumping to escape his crib, which is wet with pee and he is always soaked. Yes he does wear a diaper, and yes, it is an goodnight huggie. He just drinks so much fucking milk- I think he pees a gallon a night. I proceed to change his pee soaked diaper thinking I can't wait to wash my hands.
But you see, changing his diaper is a whole process because it is duct taped. So I must remove and replace each diaper with duct tape. I place a large piece of duct tape (color depending on what surprise in the rainbow my husband purchased.) across the front of EVERY diaper he wears, or he will rip it off within seconds. I must duct tape his diaper because he also likes take his hand, stick it down his pants and scoop his poop (no pun intended ) and smear it on things. (more on that particular pathology for a different entry.)
So where was I ? oh!!!! We have barely gotten to breakfast.
After the hygiene process, and duct tape application, Emma goes to the bathroom by herself (Thank God.) and I usually let them watch a show like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Jaxson calls it hot dog.
Then I make breakfast , usually whole wheat waffles with lots of butter and small amounts of syrup .
Syrup that I try to find without all the crap in it. Emma eats pretty well since she turned four. And Jaxson throws all of his food all over the floor and chews up waffles and spits them out. Then he starts slamming the table with his mini fork like a sledge hammer. He's 2, but really? It sucks to clean up EVERY morning.
So basically it's really an entire 2 hours to do 4 very simple tasks.
Can you imagine what the rest of day is like?
I didn't know they made duct tape in colors!?! Ella Rose gets to wear the classic silver across her diaper. And to think I could have totally color-coordinated the duct tape color with all the latest 2 year old fashion she's wearing these days. The poor kid has really been missing out.
ReplyDelete-MJ
yes, I can imagine. wow - about the duct tape diaper! and all the pee. that kid needs to be cut off from that milk at 5pm or something! crazy pee boy. I also marvel at the morning, how it takes so long to do basically nothing. I don't know about you guys, but we eat 2 breakfasts, b/c we wake up so early. twice as much cleaning, yay! at least my dog eats everything off the floor, so that's a god send.
ReplyDeleteThe wussy boo boo, lmao!
ReplyDeleteCostco and TJ have maple syrop, the real maple syrup has nothing added to it!
ReplyDelete