Oh Cave Boy- The Places you Go.

(by Stacie)
My son stood up in the bath tub the other night peeing and smiling with glee.
I thought he'd shed a tear of joy,  he was so damn happy with himself.

"MOMMY!!! I peed!  Mommy! I Peed! I peed!" he was filled with pride.

Okay, so peeing standing up is an accomplishment?
Okay. Not so sure how to react.
Would a new age advisor tell me to praise him so his self esteem isn't connected to his penis?
Or vice- versa?

This may have been the first prideful moment of his two- year old life.
As for myself, I haven't found the words for the kind of moment it was, aside from, well, disappointing in a funny way.
Also, relieved it wasn't poop, since he does have a history of  pooping in all parts of his world.
Let me tell you, shit in the tub is no picnic.
 It doesn't float, if you know what I mean.

Having a boy has been an eye opening experience in truly seeing the differences between males and females.
 I thought I knew a whole lot before I had him.
Truly, existing with a "boy''s" mind can be so simple, it's mind blowing.

His new favorite toy is a turkey baster which he insists on taking with him to school .
It was actually my mom's from the 70's, with a yellow top and lots of scratches on the plastic part.
It has spurted lots of juice and basted a lot of turkeys.

He nonchalantly walked into his pre-school class with it in hand.
The teachers just looked at me with that "okaaaay" look when he came in, holding it like it was normal.
He looked at them like "What the fuck are you staring at?" " This happens to be my favorite toy."

As the day progressed it became a rocket and a megaphone all in the same hour.
Not as simple as I thought.

When I pick him up from school I always ask the same question. " How was school?"
No answer. He just walks steadily to the car in his black, fake, suede vans.
"Milk mommy?"
When we get into the car.  I make another attempt,"Did you have fun at school today?"
He grunts, drinking his milk, and looks out the window.
Hm, I think to myself, is he ever going to tell me about school?
Probably not.
I couldn't get my daughter to stop talking after school.
Amazing.

We go to the park most afternoons.
He is usually holding a stick and making grunting noises or just violently slamming it against something, anything.
 He also likes to bolt like a horse.
One minute, I'll be enjoying the moment, the next , I'll be in a panic looking for him, thinking to myself, I'm never fucking taking him to the park again! (yeah, like that's not an empty threat.)

I kept hearing boisterous honking, over and over again, "HONK, HONK, HONK..."
(I thought to myself, give it a rest asshole.)

Seconds later..............
I turned my head and there he was, my son, standing in the middle of the street with two cars stopped in front of him, honking loudly, wondering, where is this kids dumb shit for a mother?

Oh there I was, running frantically to retrieve him.
I will never forget holding him in my arms and just breaking down, as I ran back to the park.

Literally, I cried out loud like I was alone, in front of everyone.
I have never made such an emotional scene in public.
Not even in my drunken hoe bag days.

I looked around at the moms and they all had so much love in their eyes.
They understood why I freaked out.
There were no words exchanged.
It was such a close call, I think they were stunned too.

We all stood there next to the green and blue monkey bars, watching
our little boys, un- phased, running around with sticks, grunting.

They knew the love I felt.
It was their love too.

They all love their  peeing, pooping, stick and rock throwing little cave boys as much as I do.