He was born September 12, 2013 at 10:58 pm.
River Declan Davis-9 lbs 9 oz. (no, I did not have a c- section)
Or, as Jaxson calls him, "Riber"
We are officially a family of 5.
Airplane rides, restaurant trips and holidays including presents have profoundly changed.
Not to mention, my husband's acute awareness of how many mouths there are to feed.
It was the worst labor yet ... my epidural stopped working at 6 centimeters, and I really did fear I was going to die.
Before the pain became unbearable, I called my sister and she talked me off the ledge.
I was writhing in pain, griping the hospital bed bars telling Matt I wanted a stiff drink.
Somehow, I gave birth again and I lived.
The hospital visit was a whirl wind.
I was exhausted, overwhelmed, scared, happy, sore, sad, ripped up and bloody.
Since it was my 3rd baby, I think I was the last patient on the maternity floor to get anything I asked for.
I guess that was a foreshadowing of my third child's life.
The sweetest moment was when I got home, Emma had made a series of incorrectly spelled cards with hearts saying how" happi she was to git a little brother."
The postpartum set in pretty quickly.
I woke up at 3 am in a panic, sobbing, I have 3 kids, I have 3 kids, What have I done?
I felt so afraid and trapped.
Not ONE rational thought came to rescue me.
I woke Matt, sobbing, " I have ruined our family." I choked on the words and he hugged me tightly.
"No you haven't," he said.
He held me in the quiet.
I cried, I felt like a needy teenager, but I knew I was doomed if I didn't let my him see me.
My heart ached.
Postpartum had come back to haunt me.
I started to feel the veil of murky slippery mud wash over me and take my left brain.
He held me, and I sobbed, looking at the beautiful sleeping baby on our bed.
I felt so guilty for saying it out loud.
I felt so afraid of the future.
I had no control.
My life was turned upside down again in a matter of hours.
It hit me.
I really did it, I had another baby.
It was 4:11 am on a Saturday. I could hear the birds chirping and the leaves rustling outside my window.
I calmed down and sat on the side of the bed.
A rational thought finally emerged: what the fuck was I doing awake when the baby was actually sleeping?????
I called the shrink the following day and got medication.
I slowly started to feel better.
In the past, I waited too long and let postpartum steal hours, days and months from me.
I did not want to do that again.
I still cried at anything most days.
My nipples burned and bled from nursing, and my stomach felt like a large bag of marshmallows; but I was relieved to be done with my pregnancy.
After a couple weeks, the blues started to lift like a bleary fog, and I felt clearer.
I started to enjoy the quiet days with the baby after the big rats went to school.
It is different this time, I feel relaxed and happy.
I love having a baby again.
River is the easy one. (for now)
I NEVER thought babies could be easy. (until my 2 other babies turned into people.)
Postpartum is not stealing my moments like it did before.
The bigger ones are still demanding, smart, rude, relentless, funny, and emotionally unstable.
Sometimes I want to strangle them.
I'll be honest, daily I want to strangle one, or both at the same time.
I am witnessing human evolution daily, with the perfect gaps in age.
River : (9 weeks) smells amazing, he doesn't move, he doesn't talk, he coos,smiles, cries, sleeps, nurses and stares at me with pure joy in his eyes. (AKA : My boyfriend)
Jaxson ( 4 yrs old) Throws things (objects and temper tantrums), jumps off anything , draws all over his body with markers, his feet smell like hot garbage, and he recently peed in his sister's face during bath time.
Emma (6 yrs old) Perfectly behaved at school and tends to brag about it, loses things often and blames me, threatens her brother 500 times a day that he is not invited to her birthday (depending on what he is doing or not doing against her will)., Wears thongs with socks, and emphatically insists nothing matches with white.
I love them all wildly, and differently.
I know now all 3 of them change all the time.
I hope....... and mostly believe.......... they do not stay unruly assholes forever.
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